Bad boy for (an extremely long) life

Kissinger, Diddy, and structures of abusive leadership

Most people have never been managed well, because we as a culture have been focused on aggressive, violent leadership for the last 80 (300? 3,000?) years instead of on managing well so people can work together to create value. This is the proposition I start with when I teach managers prosocial managing processes, to explain to them why no one has taught them how to manage well before, and why they don’t just know how to do it from observing at work. I usually give the examples of Douglas MacArthur and Jack Welch as the kinds of leaders we’ve gone all in on as a culture that have made us think that leadership is just barrelling ahead and “getting things done” and taking charge at any cost. But now Henry Kissinger died, finally, and this morning while I was reading this amazing piece by Nick Turse listing all the death and destruction Kissinger is responsible for*, the radio played an Instagram video posted by Roger Bonds, the former head of security for Sean Combs dba Diddy, in which Bonds talked about how brutal Diddy was and how Bonds had to use a chronic medical condition to get out of having to do Diddy’s dirty work. And I thought, well, if the structure rewards brutal men who just push their agenda through, we’re going to have brutal men who push their agenda, and we’ll call it leadership.

The fact that our government is structured in a way that enabled Kissinger to come in and make all the deals and treaties and hustles and threats and genocide he did is an indictment of how we see power and the role of leaders in an organization. Kissinger had always just blown into a room by blasting people with words (his undergrad thesis was over 400 pages**) and pontificating and writing and starting his own committees and councils. When it became apparent that Richard Nixon was the Republican nominee for president in 1968, Kissinger just called up the campaign to volunteer to be Nixon’s security advisor. When Nixon won, he put Kissinger in as National Security Advisor, and then Secretary of State. And that was that. Kissinger was in, and he just ran with it, took over, and caused the murders of three million people, all while the national news was touting him as a realpolitik genius and saying he was creating peace in the world with his clever solutions. (Go back and read the Turse piece for the story about Kissinger being awarded the MFing Nobel Peace Prize for faking a treaty and then violating it almost immediately.)

I don’t think anyone really saw Diddy coming, either. I mean, he was always ambitious, but he was a dork. Showed up and started dancing awkwardly in people’s videos. Couldn’t rap, couldn’t sing, always looking like Urkel in those high collar suits. Like Dwayne Wayne, but not smart or sensitive, just driven. But he hustled and put together partnerships and deals and a record company and built his own power structure without checks and balances. The dork tryhard persona actually helped hide how violent and aggressive he was, and the people around him were afraid to just leave. Roger Bonds used his diabetes as an excuse to not have to be there when Diddy was assaulting people. The video posted on IG had Bonds saying, “My excuse was, ‘I can’t be with you every day. I can’t do this. I can’t do that. I’m losing weight. I’m doing that. But in reality it was, I was sick. I was sick of you. I was sick of everything that was going on around you. I was sick of having to cover up everything that you did.”*** Diddy had so much power that Bonds couldn’t say no or check Diddy on his actions.

In the wake of the Great Resignation, in which people left their jobs in droves, it’s disheartening to see that we’re still operating under the assumption that it’s ok to have these power structures that allow abusive people to bully their way to the top. But these structures are everywhere, and those structures are why organizations don’t put real energy or money into teaching managers to manage well in a prosocial, humane, value-creating way. Everything “works” and is efficient in a company, and they’re making money and gaining users, so nothing will change. The only thing workers can do about a bad boss is leave. They know the next boss is probably going to be just as horrible, but if there’s even a tiny chance that the next boss will be better, or even that they’ll make a little bit more money for suffering through a bad boss, they have to take that chance.

It’s disgusting and unethical that it’s individual workers who have to bear the burden of a culture of brutal leadership and brutal leadership structures. You the person, the worker, shouldn’t have to defend yourself and play whack-a-mole just to be able to earn a living. You the person, the worker, the manager, shouldn’t have to figure out all on your own how to manage people well within a power structure that weaponizes you against your friends and family.

If you are in HR, and you want to make a difference in your organization, you are the one who can make change. You don’t even have to stick your head up very far to do it. It’s as easy as bringing in teachers and programs and information to support your managers in prosocial management. Just write a check and invite the managers to the sessions. It won’t fix everything but it’s the beginning of change and of help for the people who work with and for you.

You can do it. We can all do it. There’s no other choice.

*Me, wondering how on earth Turse got this long, impeccably-researched piece pitched and posted about Kissinger within hours of his death. Then while I was looking to see if Turse has a Substack (he doesn’t) I found this from May from

Ryan Grim

and it’s got links to other pieces by Turse about Kissinger. If you’re interested, be warned that they’re horrifying.

**Archived here: https://hollis.harvard.edu/primo-explore/fulldisplay?context=L&vid=HVD2&search_scope=everything&tab=everything&lang=en_US&docid=01HVD_ALMA211892160880003941
My undergrad thesis in Comparative Literature was something like 50 pages, and it was on a book written by a Chilean author about the time there under brutal dictator Augusto Pinochet, who Kissinger put into power. Huh.

***I got that transcription from this article about the IG video by Bonds, which explains the entire situation. I heard the video on the GetUp Crew Morning Show on Hot 96.9 Boston, and the hosts noted after playing the video that Bonds’ IG account has been taken down since he posted that, and they speculated that he is either afraid of Diddy or that Diddy is trying to make a deal for him not to talk. (Also how glad am I that this is just a Substack piece and not academic writing so I don’t have to figure out how to cite Ramiro, Pebbles, Melissa, and Leroy on The GetUpCrew.)